For those on my flist who may need some cheering up...

[elspethdixon]

...and any who are worried about the quality of their own writing. Take heart! At least you're not this author
*points at link*
http://vandonovan.livejournal.com/1088311.html

Worst piece of prose I have ever seen. Ever.

This is worse than the chicken that was not a chicken. Worse than the venom cock (heyo!). Worse than Laurell K. Hamilton's endless descriptions of Merry Gentry's hair (which I actually kind of like. Shut up).

And I quote:
"Her teeth were her only bracelet; she carried them within the red velvet purse of her lips. Her tongue was amber. Her tongue was a ferret, an anenome, a fox caught in the teeth of a tiger."

It goes on like this for two pages.

Her toes are snails, people! Snails with shells made of tears!

Comments

[20thcenturyvole.livejournal.com]

Unless her tongue was furry, spiky, orange and constantly wiggling, I... actually, that makes for a far more interesting mental image. I would totally love to see a story where some guy, under a spell of infatuation, described his lady-love in terms so purple, and they actually turn out to be true. Because she's actually a wiggly-tongued, snail-toed, grass-pubed demon. And her ears are actually carved out of elephant tusk, and her thighs are actually geese. I don't know how it would work, but it would be disturbing.

Though I would have to ask: what does a gibbous moon smell like? And how can someone's face have that fragrance?

[elspethdixon.livejournal.com]

what does a gibbous moon smell like? And how can someone's face have that fragrance?


Many, many people are wondering that now. According to Apollo astronauts, moonrocks smell faintly like gunpowder, but I doubt that's what the author had in mind.