Still avoiding rest of comics fandom. Have figured out why.

[elspethdixon]

I've figured out why I can't participate in fandom's out-pouring of outrage. In my family, we don't talk about people's deaths.

The discussion of how/why/etc. someone died takes place exactly once, when you get/make the phone call delivering the news. After that, it's never discussed--even at the funeral, you talk about the person's life. When my grandmother died last Thanksgiving, we drank a toast to her at her graveside as if she were still alive. We've never talked about her actual death except in passing, to say things like, "If Sally were still here, she'd say/do such-and-such."

Avoidance and tacit silence is the [insert my last name here] way, because if no one talks about it, it never really happened.

And when I walked into my sister's bedroom to vacuum it (I'm at home this weekend & my parents are expecting guests), and saw my grandmother's folded military-funeral-flag in its glass case on top of Sarah's dresser, I almost lost it. I actually started crying typing this. I think I've also figured out why recent Marvel developments have affected me so badly. My grandmother was in the first class of WAVES. I had more kinds of emotional investment in Steve than I realized.

Comments

[harmonyangel.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I said this in my own LJ, which you may or may not have read, but my grandfather is a WWII vet and he's been in the hospital for the last few weeks. He's 80, and his health is fading pretty quickly. I don't know if he'll ever come home again. And I never realized, until now, how much I'd been equating him with Steve. I play Cap in an RPG, and I'd been taking cues from my grandfather on slang and personality and worldview and history to use for my version of Cap. And my younger brother and I had even made jokes to each other about how our grandfather could secretly be Captain America.

Today, my brother and I were on the phone, and he said, kind of quietly, "Jen, let's not call Pop Captain America anymore, ok?" He didn't have to explain what he meant. I want to forget the connection, but it's there in my mind, so Cap's death is making me feel worse about my grandfather's illness, and my grandfather's illness is making me feel worse about Cap. It's tough.