![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Gratuitous Avengers ficlet of emo and movie fangirling. Quote at the beginning is from New Avengers #25.
"I have a very expensive suit of armor with roller skates. I don't much find the need for movies."
It had been Clint’s idea originally. He’d always been the one most determined to forge them into a happy little family, and he’d kept up his efforts even after splitting off from the main Avengers team and moving to the west coast.
(”Thursday night is movie night, remember? It’ll be just like old times, except that Cap isn’t here, which means we can watch Platoon.”
Tony looked down, away from Clint’s agressively cheerful face and concerned eyes. ‘Just like old times’ was the last thing he needed. “I’ve got to get back to Circuits Maximus. I’ve already been here longer than I was supposed to.” Cly and Morley would be waiting, and Rhodey… probably wouldn’t be, but he’d more than earned that.
“You guys have fun without me,” he added, trying for a smile. Smiling took a lot of energy these days, and he wasn’t sure he pulled it off, but Clint was eager to be convinced.)
Old sci-fi films had always been the best--the ones from the 1950s, with soundtracks full of eerie theremin music and aliens that were really, really obvious metaphors for communism. Hank had always been partial to Them!. Tony personally preferred Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, mostly for the scene where the F-4 Phantom was zapped with an alien death ray and, via the magic of poorly-chosen stock footage, turned into a B-25.
Steve claimed not to like sci-fi, but always turned up anytime they had a Star Wars marathon, and had once--after they'd formed the new team, only months ago, but God, it felt like so much longer--made the mistake of suggesting that they watch the prequels as well. Peter's impassioned explanation of just exactly what kind of blasphemy that would be had lasted nearly fifteen minutes.
(“There are only three Star Wars movies. Three!”
“Peter, the last one came out this-“
“Three!” Peter snapped. “The prequels are completely not Star Wars canon.”
Steve, cut off mid-word, signed in a put-upon way and turned to Tony. “You and Hank must have watched that horrible movie with the giant ants twelve times. Don’t tell me you don’t want to see the rest of Star Wars.”
“… and Hayden Christianson and Natalie Portman have less chemistry than argon and zenon,” Peter went on, “and the dialogue is horrible. I mean, if you think my jokes are bad…”
Sometimes, there were advatanges to being the one who owned the home theater system. “We are not watching Attack of the Clones,” Tony said. “Trust me; it’s a hundred and forty two minutes of your life that you’ll never get back.”
“… and the special effects are way too slick, like watching Final Fantasy, but with less plot…”)
Jan liked romantic comedies--the old ones, with snappy Grant-Hepburn dialogue--and anything with George Cloony in it. And Star Trek, which she maintained was better than Star Wars. If she'd been there for Peter's "damn you, George Lucas," tirade, it would have gone on all night.
Carol had made them all watch Top Gun so many times that Tony could recite half the dialogue, along with Steve's habitual rant about how unprofessional Maverick was.
Jennifer had been unexpectedly fond of romantic fluff, too. Not at all the sort of thing he’d expected She-Hulk to watch, but Jen had always been full of contradictions.
(Clint held the dvd case between two fingers, as if more extensive contact might polute him. “I thought we decided on a no chick flicks rule.”
“No,” Jennifer said, “you decided on a no chick flicks rule. The rest of us have matured beyond the age of twelve.”
“Yeah, but… Pretty Woman? Come on, prostitution is completely degrading to woman. You’re a lawyer. Wouldn’t you rather watch lawyer movies or something?”
“I just spent all day in a courtroom. I don’t need to watch a movie about people spending all day in a courtroom.” Jennifer stretched out a long, muscular, green arm and plucked the dvd case from his grasp. “If you want to watch something else, you can always arm-wrestle me for it.”)
Clint had loved Robin Hood. The old, Errol Flynn version, not the Kevin Costner one, which sucked in two dozen ways that he would cheerfully list for you. The old videotape he'd brought along to every movie night had fallen apart years ago, and he'd never gotten a chance to see it on DVD.
Thor had liked that one, too. He’d liked Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy even more. The theater’s ushers, jaded from a long day of enthusiastic Tolkien fans in cloaks, hadn’t been quite so fond of him. Trying to tell him that he couldn’t bring Mjolnir into the theater had still been a stupid move on their part.
Simon and Vision had both had a thing for noir. The Maltese Falcon, the Big Sleep, Notorious, The Untouchables, L.A. Confidential, and anything else with fedoras in it.
(”I thought film noir only included black and white movies.” Wanda was leaning her head against Simon’s shoulder, one leg curled underneath her in a pose that looked oddly young and vulnerable. She was still in costume, so it also left quite a lot of bare leg visible.
“Technically, maybe, but it’s the spirit of the film that counts.”
“Simon is correct,” Vision said. He was watching Simon and Wanda rather than the screen, and while his red and green features were often difficult to read, Tony had no trouble figuring out his feelings this time. “The cinematography may not be classically noir, but the subject matter and the plot constuction are classic neo-noir. Subterfuge, corruption, betrayal, a beautiful but dangerous woman. And, of course, no happy ending.”
“In that case, I don’t think I’ll stick around.” She pulled away from Simon and stood, exiting in a swirl of red fabric.)
Wanda… hadn't been a movie person.
Steve liked old Ginger Rogers/Fred Astaire musicals, and Casablanca, and any and all costume dramas, but oddly enough, not war movies.
Tony was starting to understand why. He didn't have time for movies anymore these days, but if he sat down to watch one, it wouldn't have fighting in it. Nothing that reminded him of the way things were nowadays. And nothing that reminded him of the way things weren't anymore, either.
He didn’t have time for it.
(”Oklahoma?” Tony asked skeptically. He knew the faceplate hid his expression, but Cap seemed to pick up on his raised eyebrows anyway.
Cap grinned a little shyly, one hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I know, I know. I suppose it’s a little nostalgic of me, but I saw it in it’s first run on Broadway back during the war. Bucky spent the entire time complaining because he’d wanted to go see the rockettes. It was the only time we ever got any stateside leave.”
He looked much younger when he smiled like that. “Musicals aren’t really my thing,” Tony told him, “but next time they do a revival, I bet Tony Stark could scare you up a couple of tickets.” It still felt strange, speaking about himself in the third person, as if Tony Stark and Iron Man were two completely separate entities. In a way, though, they were.
“Thanks, Iron Man, but you can’t ask your boss to-“
Tony held up red gauntlets, forstalling the rest of Cap’s protest. “Hey, if he objects, I’ll get him to take it out of my paycheck.”
“Well, in that case, partner, I’d be happy to accept.” Cap looked down at the videocasset in his hand, then back up at ‘Iron Man.’ “As long as you made sure to tell Tony Stark thanks for me.”
He laid just the tiniest amount of stress on the name, and those bright blue eyes were supiciously amused-looking. Underneath his metal breastplate, Tony’s heart skipped a beat.)
He didn’t have time for memories, either.
* * *
*For those with as little of a life as I: where the flashbacks fit in Marvel timeline.
Flashback one, Clint & Tony: Between Iron Man v1 194 and 195 (1980s)
Flashback two, Tony, Steve, & Spidey: New Avengers
Flashback three, Clint & Jennifer: late Avengers v3 after Clint returned and before they went to Britain.
Flashback four, Wanda, Simon & Vision: Early Avengers v3, somewhere between #14 and #20.
Final Flashback, Steve & Tony: Old school Avengers, back in the 60s
"I have a very expensive suit of armor with roller skates. I don't much find the need for movies."
It had been Clint’s idea originally. He’d always been the one most determined to forge them into a happy little family, and he’d kept up his efforts even after splitting off from the main Avengers team and moving to the west coast.
(”Thursday night is movie night, remember? It’ll be just like old times, except that Cap isn’t here, which means we can watch Platoon.”
Tony looked down, away from Clint’s agressively cheerful face and concerned eyes. ‘Just like old times’ was the last thing he needed. “I’ve got to get back to Circuits Maximus. I’ve already been here longer than I was supposed to.” Cly and Morley would be waiting, and Rhodey… probably wouldn’t be, but he’d more than earned that.
“You guys have fun without me,” he added, trying for a smile. Smiling took a lot of energy these days, and he wasn’t sure he pulled it off, but Clint was eager to be convinced.)
Old sci-fi films had always been the best--the ones from the 1950s, with soundtracks full of eerie theremin music and aliens that were really, really obvious metaphors for communism. Hank had always been partial to Them!. Tony personally preferred Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, mostly for the scene where the F-4 Phantom was zapped with an alien death ray and, via the magic of poorly-chosen stock footage, turned into a B-25.
Steve claimed not to like sci-fi, but always turned up anytime they had a Star Wars marathon, and had once--after they'd formed the new team, only months ago, but God, it felt like so much longer--made the mistake of suggesting that they watch the prequels as well. Peter's impassioned explanation of just exactly what kind of blasphemy that would be had lasted nearly fifteen minutes.
(“There are only three Star Wars movies. Three!”
“Peter, the last one came out this-“
“Three!” Peter snapped. “The prequels are completely not Star Wars canon.”
Steve, cut off mid-word, signed in a put-upon way and turned to Tony. “You and Hank must have watched that horrible movie with the giant ants twelve times. Don’t tell me you don’t want to see the rest of Star Wars.”
“… and Hayden Christianson and Natalie Portman have less chemistry than argon and zenon,” Peter went on, “and the dialogue is horrible. I mean, if you think my jokes are bad…”
Sometimes, there were advatanges to being the one who owned the home theater system. “We are not watching Attack of the Clones,” Tony said. “Trust me; it’s a hundred and forty two minutes of your life that you’ll never get back.”
“… and the special effects are way too slick, like watching Final Fantasy, but with less plot…”)
Jan liked romantic comedies--the old ones, with snappy Grant-Hepburn dialogue--and anything with George Cloony in it. And Star Trek, which she maintained was better than Star Wars. If she'd been there for Peter's "damn you, George Lucas," tirade, it would have gone on all night.
Carol had made them all watch Top Gun so many times that Tony could recite half the dialogue, along with Steve's habitual rant about how unprofessional Maverick was.
Jennifer had been unexpectedly fond of romantic fluff, too. Not at all the sort of thing he’d expected She-Hulk to watch, but Jen had always been full of contradictions.
(Clint held the dvd case between two fingers, as if more extensive contact might polute him. “I thought we decided on a no chick flicks rule.”
“No,” Jennifer said, “you decided on a no chick flicks rule. The rest of us have matured beyond the age of twelve.”
“Yeah, but… Pretty Woman? Come on, prostitution is completely degrading to woman. You’re a lawyer. Wouldn’t you rather watch lawyer movies or something?”
“I just spent all day in a courtroom. I don’t need to watch a movie about people spending all day in a courtroom.” Jennifer stretched out a long, muscular, green arm and plucked the dvd case from his grasp. “If you want to watch something else, you can always arm-wrestle me for it.”)
Clint had loved Robin Hood. The old, Errol Flynn version, not the Kevin Costner one, which sucked in two dozen ways that he would cheerfully list for you. The old videotape he'd brought along to every movie night had fallen apart years ago, and he'd never gotten a chance to see it on DVD.
Thor had liked that one, too. He’d liked Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy even more. The theater’s ushers, jaded from a long day of enthusiastic Tolkien fans in cloaks, hadn’t been quite so fond of him. Trying to tell him that he couldn’t bring Mjolnir into the theater had still been a stupid move on their part.
Simon and Vision had both had a thing for noir. The Maltese Falcon, the Big Sleep, Notorious, The Untouchables, L.A. Confidential, and anything else with fedoras in it.
(”I thought film noir only included black and white movies.” Wanda was leaning her head against Simon’s shoulder, one leg curled underneath her in a pose that looked oddly young and vulnerable. She was still in costume, so it also left quite a lot of bare leg visible.
“Technically, maybe, but it’s the spirit of the film that counts.”
“Simon is correct,” Vision said. He was watching Simon and Wanda rather than the screen, and while his red and green features were often difficult to read, Tony had no trouble figuring out his feelings this time. “The cinematography may not be classically noir, but the subject matter and the plot constuction are classic neo-noir. Subterfuge, corruption, betrayal, a beautiful but dangerous woman. And, of course, no happy ending.”
“In that case, I don’t think I’ll stick around.” She pulled away from Simon and stood, exiting in a swirl of red fabric.)
Wanda… hadn't been a movie person.
Steve liked old Ginger Rogers/Fred Astaire musicals, and Casablanca, and any and all costume dramas, but oddly enough, not war movies.
Tony was starting to understand why. He didn't have time for movies anymore these days, but if he sat down to watch one, it wouldn't have fighting in it. Nothing that reminded him of the way things were nowadays. And nothing that reminded him of the way things weren't anymore, either.
He didn’t have time for it.
(”Oklahoma?” Tony asked skeptically. He knew the faceplate hid his expression, but Cap seemed to pick up on his raised eyebrows anyway.
Cap grinned a little shyly, one hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I know, I know. I suppose it’s a little nostalgic of me, but I saw it in it’s first run on Broadway back during the war. Bucky spent the entire time complaining because he’d wanted to go see the rockettes. It was the only time we ever got any stateside leave.”
He looked much younger when he smiled like that. “Musicals aren’t really my thing,” Tony told him, “but next time they do a revival, I bet Tony Stark could scare you up a couple of tickets.” It still felt strange, speaking about himself in the third person, as if Tony Stark and Iron Man were two completely separate entities. In a way, though, they were.
“Thanks, Iron Man, but you can’t ask your boss to-“
Tony held up red gauntlets, forstalling the rest of Cap’s protest. “Hey, if he objects, I’ll get him to take it out of my paycheck.”
“Well, in that case, partner, I’d be happy to accept.” Cap looked down at the videocasset in his hand, then back up at ‘Iron Man.’ “As long as you made sure to tell Tony Stark thanks for me.”
He laid just the tiniest amount of stress on the name, and those bright blue eyes were supiciously amused-looking. Underneath his metal breastplate, Tony’s heart skipped a beat.)
He didn’t have time for memories, either.
*For those with as little of a life as I: where the flashbacks fit in Marvel timeline.
Flashback one, Clint & Tony: Between Iron Man v1 194 and 195 (1980s)
Flashback two, Tony, Steve, & Spidey: New Avengers
Flashback three, Clint & Jennifer: late Avengers v3 after Clint returned and before they went to Britain.
Flashback four, Wanda, Simon & Vision: Early Avengers v3, somewhere between #14 and #20.
Final Flashback, Steve & Tony: Old school Avengers, back in the 60s
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
Once Peter and Luke were on the team, it was probably like a non-stop MST3K.
Luke: "Even Samuel L. Jackson ain't enough to save this movie."
Peter: "He tries, though. Maybe if they'd given him a bigger part and written Jar-Jar out, it would have only kind of sucked."
Luke: "Younglings? What the fuck are younglings? Why don't they just say 'kids?' And who dies of grief, man?"
Peter: "Didn't one of the X-Men do that once?"
Wolverine: "Naw, that was a clone."
Peter: "I had a clone once. Hey, is it just me, or is Vader a dead ringer for Dr. Doom?"
From:
no subject
I neglected to mention that Peter's rambling about the suckiness of the Prequels was my favorite part!
From:
no subject
I loved the Star Wars debate and how Peter went about explaining it. That does sound so much like him. All the others were great too and it's amazing to me that I have watched some of those films that were mentioned.
Fantastic job.
From:
no subject
it's amazing to me that I have watched some of those films that were mentioned.
The entire ficlet is sad, sad filmgeekery on my part, since I've watched all of the ones mentioned by name (and I, like Tony, wish I could have the 142 minutes I spent watching Episode II returned to me).
From:
no subject
I don't know Avengers' canon especially well but this is perfect. I love Peter on "Star Wars," and Tony. . .
Tony personally preferred Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, mostly for the scene where the F-4 Phantom was zapped with an alien death ray and, via the magic of poorly-chosen stock footage, turned into a B-25.
Hahahaha. And the identity porn with Iron Man & Tony + Cap is perfect.
From:
no subject
the identity porn with Iron Man & Tony + Cap is perfect.
Secret identities are always fun to play with. Tony's, however, was always kind of obvious.
From:
no subject
Though Civil War tells me he once used a satellite to mindwipe the entire earth so that they didn't know his identity anymore (and oh GOD, I hope they're not foreshadowing that's going to happen re: Spidey).
From:
no subject
Oh God, I remember that. There was this mind-controlling villain who took over everyone's minds, but Tony was immune because of the armor's cybernetics (which he'd put anti-mind-control stuff in, since he'd already been mind-controlled by Kang). He defeated the bad guy, and then decided to wipe his identity from everyone's minds with said bad guy's machine while he was at it.
He told the Avengers the truth soon enough afterward that the mind-wipe didn't take on them, but Cap was really, really displeased anyway.
From:
no subject
By the way, between the movie love and your Avengers fascination, you should check out
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
it makes me really, really want to go back and read all the Avengers canon I can find
After Civil War plus the Ultimate Avengers cartoon (which is much closer to regular comics canon than to Ultimates, because the writers de-Millared it) made me realize I needed to read everything with Cap and Tony in it ever, I acquired a bunch of back issues via a friend with bittorrent. Disassembled made me cry--and hate the Scarlet Witch with a skin-crawling hatred I've rarely felt for a fictional character.
The really old stuff from the 60s is especially entertaining. Everybody states the obvious all the time (With exclamation points! Lots of them!) and there's absolutely no plot (Look! Aliens have attacked for no reason! Let's fight them! Also, there are Nazis! Living in the jungle!) yet the characterization is still pretty decent.
From:
no subject
I can't hate Wanda in AD though -- considering how much Claremont and feisty women whose powers get away from them is in my comics blood (*is convinced that most Marvel plots are secretly about Jean Grey, even when her name never comes up; except for the Spiderman-related plots that are secretly about Gwen Stacy).
From:
no subject
Have you seen the more recent scan where he thinks about how beautiful Cap's azure eyes are? (http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/2898839.html) There are no words.
I can't hate Wanda in AD though -- considering how much Claremont and feisty women whose powers get away from them is in my comics blood
I know it's hypocritical of me to hate on Wanda when Rogue, poster girl for out of control powers, is one of my favorite X-Men, but something about the way Wanda altered people's mental states/controlled their actions against their will in AD just felt... unclean to me. Almost like a kind of rape, especially with Jennifer and Jack of Hearts (she violated Jennifer's control over her own body, and Jack... he died to save a friend, and she took that from him by using him as a weapon to kill that friend. Even if it was merely her subconscious desires manifesting and not a conscious act, that says something about the kind of person Wanda is deep down).
And M-Day... felt even more like rape or mutilation. Of thousands of people. And she didn't even seem to feel any remorse (at least Rogue felt bad after putting Carol in a comma, and the Phoenix sacrificed herself to save the world after going evil). If she is appropriately horrifed once she gets her memories back (if she does, or wait, how many did she lose? It's confusing), I might forgive her.
From:
no subject
Oh, Dude. I had seen that before, but man, it's still awesome. I think my favorite part is how Tony feels clumsy and safe next to Steve's grace and daring.
Seriously, they are Jean and Emma (i.e., constantly thinking the other one has it better) only they don't have Scott to fight over, so they fight over AMERICA. *nods sagely*
And, yeah, I see how Wanda's actions could come across as more fundamentally selfish than the others (even Emma, when she has her attack of crazy in AXM -- welll, I don't know if you've read it, so I'll hush). I still feel bad for her because she's such a wreck, but there is a certain spoiled-brat entitledness to the whole thing (hi, Wanda, a lot of people can't have kids --) And arguably the Avengers bring on the whole disaster by being so determined to shelter her (whereas the X-men know by now, if one of your own is a threat, you do what you have to do - witness both Scott and Logan in Endsong going "Oh great, we have to kill her AGAIN.").
From:
no subject
I am convinced that Jean is eventually going to come back again. No member of the X-Men ever stays dead. And then she and Emma can fight over Scott some more.
The Avengers have, arguably, learned their lesson now--witness Tony wanting Wolverine on the team in New Avengers so they'd have somebody who could be ruthless if needed. Of course, if they were still unwilling to take out team-members-gone-rogue, Civil War might be less of a mess.
From:
no subject
I figure they are just trying to figure out a way to have her and Emma both in the picture. I would love to see them running the team together, though I don't know where that leaves Scott. Maybe he can run away and live on shrimp boat for a while.
With Logan.From:
no subject
Also, joking about Tony Stark's secret ID will possibly never get old for me.