For those on my flist who may need some cheering up...

[elspethdixon]

...and any who are worried about the quality of their own writing. Take heart! At least you're not this author
*points at link*
http://vandonovan.livejournal.com/1088311.html

Worst piece of prose I have ever seen. Ever.

This is worse than the chicken that was not a chicken. Worse than the venom cock (heyo!). Worse than Laurell K. Hamilton's endless descriptions of Merry Gentry's hair (which I actually kind of like. Shut up).

And I quote:
"Her teeth were her only bracelet; she carried them within the red velvet purse of her lips. Her tongue was amber. Her tongue was a ferret, an anenome, a fox caught in the teeth of a tiger."

It goes on like this for two pages.

Her toes are snails, people! Snails with shells made of tears!

Comments

[fire-tears.livejournal.com]

I love you so, so much for posting this. I started typing out quotes that made me laugh hysterically, but I'm too lazy to type out the whole thing. Let me just say that what made me laugh the hardest was the little note right after the image:

"And then he rapes her. :D"

I'm a bad person.


If you liked that, by the way, you'll probably enjoy this: Night Travels of the Elven Vampire. Sadly, it's not nearly as wonderful as what you've linked, but it tries. From the commentary:

Yes, Alaric is a vampire. And he shapeshifts into a wolf. Alaric is also an Elf. It also turns out that Elves are aliens from the planet Telvron, where there are also sentient trees and unicorns. And he's telepathic too, because he talks to his brother Marti'el that way. So that makes Alaric an alien vampire werewolf psychic writer. Got that? Good. That way you won't get confuzzled when he becomes a pirate.

[elspethdixon.livejournal.com]

Oh God, the heroine's name is "Elspeth!" *dies*

[fire-tears.livejournal.com]

I thought you'd like that. *g*