For those on my flist who may need some cheering up...

[elspethdixon]

...and any who are worried about the quality of their own writing. Take heart! At least you're not this author
*points at link*
http://vandonovan.livejournal.com/1088311.html

Worst piece of prose I have ever seen. Ever.

This is worse than the chicken that was not a chicken. Worse than the venom cock (heyo!). Worse than Laurell K. Hamilton's endless descriptions of Merry Gentry's hair (which I actually kind of like. Shut up).

And I quote:
"Her teeth were her only bracelet; she carried them within the red velvet purse of her lips. Her tongue was amber. Her tongue was a ferret, an anenome, a fox caught in the teeth of a tiger."

It goes on like this for two pages.

Her toes are snails, people! Snails with shells made of tears!

Comments

[dallin-dae.livejournal.com]

I laughed my way through it all, but I nearly died when I reached 'her pubes was a field of wheat after the harvest'.

[elspethdixon.livejournal.com]

It's "her pubes was" that really kills me there. That and the fact that "pubes" really doesn't match the rest of the OTT puple prose.

Shouldn't it be "the silky thatch of hair that surrounded her most secret and sacred of places was a field of wheat after the harvest" or something flowery like that? (and nevermind that said hair isn't generally "silky")

[sodzilla.livejournal.com]

Honestly. I'd like to know who started that whole "silky pubic hair" cliché, because it's so readily observably not TRUE.

The only body hair I've encountered that was even remotely soft was on arms, but of course the silky-pubesed type of heroine tends not to HAVE hair on her arms, even if Nair was never invented in her universe...